Monday, December 6, 2010
Praying for a miracle!
I had a GREAT day on Saturday with my husband. We got the opportunity to get some maternity pictures done. This is the only one Ive seen so far but I love it. We were praying for a miracle for our precious miracle Parker! Thanks again to Becky for taking time out of her busy schedule to do this for us. It is something that I didnt think we were going to get the chance to do because we havent had the extra money to spend. These pictures will be something that we will cherish forever! For everyone that knows Adam...he HATES pictures and refuses to get them done. So I had to do some bargaining with him and let him wear his hat LOL! He did awesome, we laughed and smiled throughout the whole session. It really made my day!
After we were done with the pictures we went to Babies R Us to buy something for Parker. We hadnt bought anything for him at all, it was something I just didnt want to do. I know that some people in our situation carry on like everything is "normal" and set up the whole nursery and have baby showers but this is something that I have really struggled with. Now as time is getting closer I knew that I was ready for us to at least buy him one small thing.
I really hate going into the baby section of any store its really depressing and makes me sad every time. But with my husband by my side and holding my hand we entered the dreaded store...We right away started looking through all of the clothes. Ive been at a loss at what to even buy him because of the surgery and all the tubes and wires. I have received some great advice on things to buy from other heart moms. Someone told me to buy some shirts or onsies that button all the way up so that the wires can come out of the little openings. So we wandered around amongst all the other pregnant moms, and new parents with their little babies looking for something as simple as an outfit to put our son in. All we could find is one little outfit! Thats it just one. My husband became upset because they dont have any options for a baby that needs special clothing. He said we needed to open up a store for babies that have to undergo surgery within their first few days of life. Its just tough because you dont know what to buy. You dont know how long it will be before they can even wear clothes so you dont know what size to buy. They didnt have a section of just hats you have to buy a whole outfit that comes with the hat and once again they cant wear the dumb outfit that the hat comes with! They didnt have any leg warmers which is basically all he can wear to keep his legs warm until hes able to wear clothes. Its so frustrating that something as simple as trying to find your own child an outfit can be so impossible! We do have some blankets so at least he will have something to keep him warm.
Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a mother because Im not prepared at all for when Parker comes home. I have very few things. I dont know what to buy him. I dont want to buy him anything because it makes me sad. I just feel like I cant hang on any longer but yet I want to hang on forever. I only have 16 more days. 16 more days guaranteed with him. 16 more days of him not having to fight for his life. 16 more days of knowing that he is safe and warm inside of me.
I know these next couple of weeks are going to be a whirlwind of emotion but like the picture above shows, we are still praying for a miracle.