Our Journey

On Aug. 12, 2010 we went in for our routine ultrasound to find out if we would be welcoming a new baby boy or girl into this world. Words can't describe how excited, anxious, nervous we were on our way to see our baby for the first time. Our plans for the day were to attend our drs appt and then "mommy" and "daddy" were going to buy our baby its first outfit. Then we were going to visit our family to show them our ultrasound and introduce them to the newest member of the family.

We finally got to the appt and got back to the room for the ultrasound Adam stood by my side and held my hand as the ultrasound began. As soon as I saw the baby I was so overwhelmed I started crying. As many of you know this was not an easy road to achieve this pregnancy and I was so in shock that this little human was actually growing inside of me reality was finally setting in...

As the tech began the scan she started the measurements and then looked at the little heart. She was spending more time on that area and taking more pictures than she had of other parts of the baby so I immediately knew something was wrong. I asked her if everything looked ok and she said that the dr would talk to us about the scan that she was not allowed to say whether everything was "normal" or not. She asked me to go empty my bladder and she was going to speak with my dr. When I went back in the room she finished up the scan and told us we were expecting a little BOY!

We went back out to the waiting area to wait on my dr so she could finish up with the routine things, like measurements, weight etc. The tech came back around the corner and told us that normally the dr would be the one to tell us this but she was going to be with another patient for awhile. She said she suspected that our baby had a problem with his heart and she wanted to take us immediately downstairs to the specialist to look at it since he was available that afternoon. I was in complete shock, my world felt like it had stopped, everything from this point forward is such a blur. We went to the next drs office and waited on him what felt like an eternity. We finally went back and they started an echo cardiogram on our son's heart. I couldn't even look at the screen I was so heart broken. After about an hour of looking at our baby boys heart he told us that our son had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). He told us about our choices, termination, compassionate care, or 3 surgeries to help his little heart function. He told us we would deliver in either Kansas City or St. Louis so the baby could have the best chance of survival.

He did an amniocentesis and told us that it would take a couple of weeks to get the results back. We left the office I don't remember how we made it to the car or most of the car ride home. I felt like the world had stopped. We got back to Adam's families house and my mom was meeting me there. I didn't know how I was going to tell my family, I felt like I was letting them down, like I had done something wrong to deserve this. After almost 5 years of trying for this precious baby why did all the excitement turn into fear and why did he have to suffer.

After breaking the news to our families or trying to at least....we couldn't really remember alot the dr had told us we only remember him saying the word "plastic". I had to call the dr the next day to find out exactly what was wrong with our sons heart because we couldn't seem to remember much about what was said. All I could think was why us? why him? why do we have such bad luck? Instead of decorating the nursery, shopping for all the cute baby things and getting ready for baby showers I was now researching heart surgeons, children's hospitals and congenital heart defects. Life is so unfair.

After researching for a few days online (I know the drs tell you not to) we found alot of information and learned that even though this is the hardest thing we will ever have to face there is hope. Babies do survive this and grow up to live normal lives. We have been so inspired by so many stories and babies with HLHS over the last month. Our son has already opened our eyes to so much more than we could of ever imagined, our hearts will be forever changed. We just pray that he puts up a big fight when he arrives and shows us what a true miracle he really is.

Thank you for taking the time to learn about our son and his special heart. Feel free to contact us with any questions or just to chat. We are proud to be a part of the "heart community"