Friday, March 18, 2011

My special heart family

People often ask me how I have the courage to still follow all the other heart babies and their families. The truth is the other babies are my family too. I hurt right along with the other mommies every time there is an upcoming surgery, or every time another tragically loses their life, or when a mother is newly diagnosed and looking for answers. Once you are a part of this "heart family" you will never be the same. I am still a heart mom and always will be. It wouldn't be fair to Parker if I disowned my heart family because he is the reason I know so many of you.

There is one baby that holds a very special place in my heart! Miss Olivia! Katie and I met online when we were both expecting. Olivia and Parker were due within a week of each other. I joked with Katie one night that I was scared to go first and I wish she was going first. She text me one night and told me I got my wish, she was going to be induced on the 21st of December and I was scheduled for my csection on the 22nd of December. We talked about a lot of our fears and worries, the time was getting closer! Well our babies both had their own plan. Parker decided to make his arrival on December 19th. I guess he wanted to be older than his little girlfriend. Olivia had her own plans as well....if I remember correctly Katie was admitted into the hospital on December 20th and induced. She was in labor with little stubborn Olivia for 3 days! Olivia made her grand entrance on December 23rd (FINALLY) Our journeys began.

Everyone knows on December 30th Parker lost his fight and went to heaven. Katie has been there for me when all I wanted to do was cry or whine about how life isn't fair. She gets me and I get her. We aren't afraid to say how we really feel to each other, because we know we won't be judged.

At first Olivia was being a little rock star and sailing through recovery. She got to go home for a short time and then was readmitted into the hospital. She has been fighting for her life ever since. Katie tells me everyday exactly how she feels and I'm there for her. I listen to her complain and cry and whine about how life isn't fair and she just wants to take her baby home. I get it, I understand her and I listen. I try to cheer her up the best I can. My heart hurts for Katie that she hasnt got to take her home and spend all this time with her! I hurt every night when she tells me she's headed to the Ronald McDonald House and I know her heart is so heavy because she's leaving her baby for the night.

Adam and I love Olivia like she is our very own child. We feel like Parker lives on through her. I want to watch Olivia grow up because I know that every milestone that she hits, Parker would of been hitting them too. One day when she gets home and starts rolling over or crawling, I will imagine Parker doing the same things and smile. When she is eating her 1st birthday cake with icing smeared all over her face I will imagine Parker eating his and I will laugh.

It is very important to me and your mommy for you to get all better! I love you even though I've never met you. I know that Parker is watching over you and making sure that you keep up your fight. Keep on fighting so that I can keep getting these cute pictures on my phone everyday that make me smile! I cant wait to meet you in person so I can hold you and give you kisses!

Thank you for being an awesome friend. I honestly don't know how I could of done this without you. You are an amazing mommy, and you are way stronger than you give yourself credit for. I wish that our babies could of grown up together but since thats not the way it turned out, thank you for letting me be a part of Olivia's life. She is a very special little girl and I will always love her!

Look at this little doll, how could you not love her!